Regrets

As most of you know, Avery had strabismus surgery on both eyes on Friday. We had the surgery done at Rady's Children's Hospital because of our family history (me) with Malignant Hyperthermia. Her ophthalmologist felt that was safer in case it happened during her surgery and we were in agreement.

What an awful experience. I know so many people who have had positive experiences with this hospital but our experience was not a good one. I'll leave out all the petty stuff, but we are now living with the results of one of their shortcomings and I have major regrets about it.

We assumed that because of Avery's age (3) that we would be with her until she was put under anesthesia or at the very least, they would give her something to put her in a calmer state in order to ease the separation. Boy were we wrong. When we asked when they were going to give her something before they took her away we were told that we had to request that prior to the surgery. What?? How were we supposed to know that?! That is standard procedure at the surgery center where our ophthalmologist usually performs his operations so we had no idea it wasn't done at CHILDRENS. We wrongly thought that they would be experts at dealing with our 3 year old.

They told us that she may cry a bit when they take her but that she'll be ok and it's not a big deal. We should have demanded they do it the way we wanted but again, we assumed they knew what they were talking about. When the nurse took Avery she had to pry Avery out of my arms and Avery was screaming. She screamed all the way down the long hallway and once the doors shut we could still hear her screaming. Oh yeah, she'll be fine. She won't remember it. Yeah right.

Her doctor told me that he tried to get the anesthesiologist to give her the medication in the OR because it acts retroactively and would give her a bit of amnesia and maybe she wouldn't remember it, but the anesthesiologist said it was unnecessary, that she wouldn't remember anyway.

She has talked about that event numerous times since Friday. She asks why we let that woman take her, she asks what we did after she left, she says she was scared and sad, and on and on. Her behavior since then has been terrible. We can only assume that she's acting out as a result of this "trauma".

This child who used to come out of her room in the morning or after nap and come find us now sits in her bed and cries for us. She hasn't done that in a year. She used to dress herself, do her own carseat, go to the potty on her own, get her shoes on, etc and would do it with minimal to no fuss. Now everything is a battle. She says she can't do any of those things on her own. Everything is a source of frustration and she melts down at the smallest set back. Granted, she is recovering from surgery and caught a cold at the hospital, but this is all extreme.

And I am not handling it as well as I should. My frustration level is high as well (probably from being cooped up in the house) and I need to come up with a game plan to help her feel better. I just don't really know how to make her feel.........safe? Is that even the issue? I am not sure.

I regret that we didn't demand what we knew to be best for Avery. I regret that we let them convince us that it wasn't a big deal and they knew what they were doing. If one of my children ever has to have surgery in the future you had better believe I am going to be that mom who calls the hospital and finds out all these things that we needed to do in advance that they don't tell you about. One of the problems in this situation was that our doctor doesn't routinely operate at Children's and so he wasn't well versed on their policies and procedures. Obviously this isn't his fault, but perhaps a doctor who operates there often would be able to tell the parents to make sure to request that drug and we would have been better prepared.

We'll get to the other side of this and I doubt she'll be scarred for life, but right now, in her small life, this is a huge deal. And she's traumatized by it. And therefore we are dealing with it too.

On the up side, the surgery itself was a success and there was no malignant hyperthermia issue. Her eyes are straighter and that was the goal.